FEATURE: Puns, For the Educated Mind

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of maths disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet writes inverse.

21. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

23. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

5 Essential Features of a Top Surgeon

1. Fingers of a Lady - Delicate, yet intrinsically firm to handle even the finest of surgical instruments and manoeuvring them with deadly precision (not to be confused with an abnormal fetish for the vegetable lady's fingers)

2. Eyes of an Eagle - Sharp eyesight to pinpoint even the most minute detail during surgery, which is essentially important during micro-surgery

3. Heart of a Lion - Brave enough to take risks during surgery as well as being cool, calm & collected during a surgical crisis

4. Stomach of a Camel - Able to withstand not eating food and drinking fluids for at least 12-13 hours straight and not develop gastric pain in the long term

5. Legs of a Horse - Mighty lower limbs to support the body for the entire duration of the surgery and an innate immunity to falling down by slipping on banana skins

The Greatest Sacrifice in History!

"He had to die so that we might live". I know I'm reiterating the famous statement on the right that all of you see every time you visit my blog, but because 4/4/2010 is also Easter Sunday, I felt like emphasizing it. =)

Newaez, Yours Truly juz got back from Easter Sunday service at City Harvest Church JB. It was a good one, and not juz because of the great company (Rachel and Nick... haha sorry Grace, you juz happened not to come with us today, but I understand). Pastor CK delivered a memorable message; and usually, I don't really give credit to sermons on my blog, if there were any to begin with. There were 3 instances in his sermon which really touched me on a spiritual and emotional level, and I'm pretty sure it touched both "NicHel" as well. Haha, kudos if you got that! =D The following is what I mean:

#1: A really powerful, heart-seeking, message-inspiring video about the power of forgiveness. The video showed a man visiting his father behind what seemed like a prison centre, where visitors are allowed to see and make contact with the inmates/death row convicts across a transparent bulletproof-glass-like structure. His father had neglected, rejected and made use of his son, and displaced his trust in the process. The man expressed all these not by verbal words, but by words written on flash cards: "You neglected me", You rejected me", etc. His second last card showed us why: the father had killed his wife, the son's mother. All this while, both parties were in tears and wrought with sadness, grief, and regret. His final card showed that although the son was deeply hurt, he forgave his father.

#2: This is an analogy of God the Father's decision to sacrifice his one and only begotten Son, Jesus, on the cross to pay the price for our sins. It tells the story of a father who worked at a local train station who brought his 6-year old son to work one day. The father allowed his son to play by himself as long as he was within a safe distance from the railroad tracks and within sight. However, the father got tired as the hours went by. What he did not realise was that his son was unknowingly moving closer and closer to the tracks as time went by. When he finally realised this, his son was already at a foot's length away from falling over. Then, the inevitable happened. The son fell onto the rail tracks and his foot got stuck in it. However at that very moment, a train was heading exactly in that direction towards his son. Both father and son panicked. One good thing was that the track leading up to his son was split into two separate tracks (let's call them Track A1 and A2: the one his son was stuck in was A1). The person controlling the flow of trains (which was the father) could alter the wedgie at will to make the train go in the other direction by the push of a button. Also, the train could only be controlled, started and stopped by the conductor inside the train. Unfortunately, Track A2 was closed due to fatal faults to the lining and structure and still under major repair. So as you can see, the father now had 2 options: push the button and let hundreds, maybe thousands, of people die, or not push it and let his son die. He had less than 10 seconds now to decide what to do. With sweat trickling down his face, the father froze in place. Both his heart and brain were in a heated debate: the former telling him to push the button to save his son's life, while his brain sought to reason with the logic of killing 1 to save a thousand. Finally, as adrenaline continued circulating in his body, he did not push the button even though every muscle in his body wanted to... He let his son perish to save the many lives aboard the train.

#3: The final instance is a comparison of humans and sin to ants and honey. Ants, as we all know too well, are attracted to sweet things like sugar. Some of us are like ants too, with a sweet tooth as people call it, but that's beside the point. Honey is a food made by certain insects. It is sweet, and ants love it. However, it is also sticky, and when any ant attempts to soak itself in it, or merely collect a bit of it, the ant will get trapped in the substance, with no chance of escape forever. The life of that particular ant as we all know it, will cease to exist from that point onwards. In the same way, honey is like sin. For humans to resist sinning is like telling an ant to resist collecting honey. Once caught in sin, forever a sinner. Even the strongest-willed of human beings are not perfect, and like the Bible says in Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". However, we can rejoice in the fact that the chains of sin binding us are gone when we accept Christ as personal Lord & Saviour for what He did for us on the cross. =D Hallelujah!!

Yeah, so I hope these 3 instances will benefit one and all to rethink Easter as a whole. It's not about Easter bunnies or Easter eggs per se, but rather about the resurrection of Jesus Christ on the third day. Christ has conquered death, so that through Him, we may conquer death as well! Have a great Easter and an awesome week ahead, dudes & dudettes!!

Blessings,

~Tim~